ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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