Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Don't make out with my wife yet
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
