dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
