He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
