I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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