he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
