i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
