I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
