that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
