I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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