i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
