If that was your dad, he is hot
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
