More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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