He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize