I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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