just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
