My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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