If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
