When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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