just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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