I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
