HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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