Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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