he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
