Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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