This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
