I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
