Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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