Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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