I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm at about main and main street
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
