Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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