are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i've created a new STD.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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