I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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