reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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