She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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