Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
