When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
