Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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