I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
