your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
