That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Randomize
