either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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