Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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