she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
