Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
