SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
