The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
