He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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