yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize