I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
