is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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