i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
True strength comes from lack of pants
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
