I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
