i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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