It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
