I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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