walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
