don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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