I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
