there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You pole danced in your parka.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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