you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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