I accidentally had phone sex last night
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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