Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
