Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
