the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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