So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
