the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
