what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
