I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
