No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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