but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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