the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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