question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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