Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
