She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize