My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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