Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
