There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
