when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
