i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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