So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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