what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
