I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
