omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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