Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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