you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
