Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
