i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
